kuraz08

The last time that I drew something and put it up here for the world (<10 or so people) to see is when I was still in high school.

I haven't been in school for 3 years, and I haven't drawn anything within that period of time either. If there's one thing I'm regretting right now and it's the fact that I didn't do more art stuff. Of course, it isn't too late yet, but I can actually imagine myself being good at art and being passionate about it long ago. But instead, here I am out of college for 2 years with a part-time job, my life is in a limbo where even just the thought of having dreams and aspirations almost seem unattainable.

Doesn't mean I've completely given up yet. I've been having a bit of a rough time wrestling with my emotions, but I'm able to distract myself with work and videogames. Right now, I want to do something. I don't know what it is. I don't know when I want it to happen. But I do know that I'm not entirely happy where I am in life right now.


Oh man, now that I think about it, even my older journals consisted of depressing stuff like this, huh? I guess that means I really haven't grown at all.

It's cold. It's raining. And I'm doing absolutely nothing. Figuratively.

I remember when I promised to myself that I'm going to lose weight. Those were good times. I threw that idea out the window like, a month ago or so. I also gained a bit of weight, but it doesn't matter to me. It shouldn't matter to people around me. I'm gonna stop being pretentious. I'm gonna stop being concerned. I'm just going to be me.

And the me right now fucking loves anime. I've also been reading manga which is unusual for me. Yeah, that's all I did the whole Summer Break. I was often on reddit, trying to dig for other titles that I might enjoy and potentially fill the void within the time that I was supposed to be a responsible adult in the society (like getting a job and hanging out with friends). Anyway, I'm going to stop regretting things that I haven't done. Instead, I'm not going to regret the things that I've already done.

With the sunny days finally came to an end, I guess I have no choice but laze around until I have to carry around a backpack and walk through crowded hallways. I'm gonna go ahead and watch some more anime.










P.S. Mahouka Koukou no Rettousei is pretty fucking cool. Go watch it.

TL;DR I failed trying to be good at art. I was depressed and started watching anime again. Monogatari series is fucking amazing, you should check out either the novels or the anime adaptation. I'd recommend the latter. Also, there's an edit I made just recently. Look at the bottom.

I haven't put up anything for 5 months, but yeah I still use Deviantart.

I'm pretty sure you don't care what I've been doing all this time I wasn't active since I'm just another stranger from the internet. But if you really do care then I can put your curiosity to rest.

I was having an artist block. Five months ago, when I finally got my hand on a drawing tablet temporarily lent by my Graphic Arts teacher, I thought "I can finally try something new and do all sorts of cool things. This is like totes awesome".

That's what I thought.

Turns out all I was able to do was blindly screw around with Photoshop, and then immediately go on MS Paint and dick around with the airbrush tool. Then I gave back the tablet to my teacher within a week. I was unable to learn anything about digital art. I wasn't able to accomplish anything. It's fucking embarrassing.

I was very well aware that you can't immediately be good at certain things after you do them for the first time. I'm not fucking Saito from Zero no Tsukaima who can fly a fighter jet the moment he sits his ass on it. But the thought of me not being good at something when I thought I could at the slightest chance be good at that something... it made me feel useless. You see, I think like a toddler. If you gave a me a candy and I'm unable to unwrap it, I would probably throw a tantrum and start shitting on the floor.

So right after being depressed for a couple of days, I had to come up with things to do so I'm not just laying down on my bed staring at the ceiling right after I come home from school. I kept on thinking, and thinking, and thinking, and thinking, and thinking.....

Before I knew it, I've already watched 30+ anime shows within 2 months.
Yeah, that's what I've been doing.

The most recent one that I watched was the Monogatari series. I literally just finished it 20 minutes ago prior to when I'm typing this. Best series I ever watched, hands down. It's a well written novel and the anime adaptation takes it to a further level, especially with its eccentric yet beautiful art style (them Shaft head tilts). This is the only anime I know that can turn a seem to be forced fanservice into something symbolic. Actually, no. The whole premise of this anime adaptation is to portray symbolism through subtle visual cues that further carries the narrative. It's that good. If you Google Image it all you're going to see are the female protagonists from the show, making it seem like a boob-fest harem anime. But I'm telling you, it's not. It's fucking amazing beyond words and you'll thank me for telling you to watch it.

10/10 would recommend, would watch again, would show my kids and grandkids

ANYWAYS.

I have a couple of doodles and incomplete sketches that I've made during down times in classes.
I'm also recently trying to actually draw again, though I'm afraid most of them are going to end up in the incomplete pile. We'll see.

7/12/14 Edit: On a second thought, that's probably impossible for me at the moment. I have no idea where my saved up drawings are. They probably also went when I got rid of my stuff from last school year. I'm also currently lost at the bliss of not doing anything. I do yard work and go run the treadmill from time to time, but whenever I'm not occupied I just lie on my stomach and completely stop moving. This isn't going well for my art career... wherever that is. I'll eventually muster the courage to be resourceful of my time again since I don't have a job. Eventually. Man, it is hard to be a freeloader.

Yeah. Eat all the things.

Happy holidays!

The 30th.

Look... I'm fucked on caffeine so before I pass out from heart palpitations I'm gonna share what I've been up to, things I'm currently working on, and things that gives me migraine just thinking about it.

Film Project - A day in my life in three-ish minutes.
Spoilers: it's actually 4 minutes long. I got this one finished and it was a lot of fun to make. I basically made it as lame as possible and surprisingly people actually liked it. Here's a link to it if you want to check it out: youtu.be/dEQx6EBQSOw

Film Project - Green Screen
We have to make a film about anything but requires the use of green screen. We've been filming for about 2 weeks now and been only halfway done. Other groups were already working on their bloopers. Sometimes I feel like my team is slowly losing interest. We have about 2 weeks to finish, I hope we get it in time. Not gonna rush it though. Better late than half-assed.

Yearbook.... yup.
One word: "godfuckingdamnit". Graphic Arts is probably the hardest course I've ever been in. Apart from the weight of responsibility to get the damn thing done, I can't really work with anyone. Everyone's a fucking cunt in my class. Except for some people. Those people are cool. I managed to finish the layout for the whole yearbook and now I'm tasked to create the cover page because the person who's supposed to work on it dropped out of the class(oooh I wonder why). You see, I'm not that kind of person who creates art for other people's enjoyment. I create what looks good to me, not for everyone else. I've been apologizing to my friends in advance in case the cover turns out to be a sack of shit. I know I can do it, I just don't know how to do it without disappointing everyone.

Trying to draw again.
Sometimes I doodle in the corners of my Chemistry notes every time I get bored in class. Mostly just basic shapes like a cube or a circle. Sometimes a face. I suck at drawing faces, by the way. I feel like facial proportions just isn't my forte.

Moosic hunting.
So many good tracks I can't even. Since you're reading this, I might as well share them to you.

• NO CEREMONY/// - HEAVYHOUR youtu.be/n_NowzX5go8
• Rogue - From The Dust youtu.be/W059cpGOKok
• Braken - To The Stars youtu.be/1dcXmkco5ko
• Feint - Homebound youtu.be/rqbMrRDOu34
• Computer Club & Must Die! ft. Anna Yvette - Win or Lose (Infuze Remix) soundcloud.com/infuze/computer…
  

AND THEN THERE'S TRACKS LIKE THESE. IT'S LIKE DRUGS. EXCEPT BETTER. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE ON DRUGS BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS BETTER THAN DRUGS. YOU GET MY POINT.